sleep

Recently, a life was taken from the city that I live in.

His name was Sean, and though I did not know him personally, one of my close friends, was very very very close to him.

They day that he was hit, I remember telling this friend of mine while she was crying in the bathroom that morning “He’s fine, he’s a strong boy, don’t worry babe, he’s okay. He’ll be okay, he’ll make it. Dont cry, it’s okay.

And when I think about it, I didn’t mean to, but I lied. I told her it’s okay, and it’s not. He didn’t make it, and now I still tell her “it’s okay, don’t worry”. Because what else is their to say? How do I look someone in the eyes and tell them “it’s okay” and that everything is going to be okay, when in that exact moment, and for a long time from now, nothing is and is going to be okay?

I try to stay positive for her, and I tell her do not, if nothing else, do not let his death go to waste, as corny as it sounds, I tell her to honor it, make sure she lives a happy life because it’s what he would have wished for. But I see it in her eyes that she’s struggling, even the way that her face falls naturally has been altered, she used to have this “I’m a bad ass and nothing phases me” kinda look to her, but now her eyebrows are always scrunched together like she’s confused and her eyes are always red and swollen and she has this look of frustration and sadness and I don’t know how to make her better. The only thing I wish I could do is just for a little bit, even if it’s for a few minutes, is to just let her forget and be happy.

I never know what to say to her when she asks me why. Why did it have to be him? I never know what to say so I always just rub her back and sit there with her because I’m at a lost for words. What do I do for someone that lost their ‘someone’? How can I possibly understand what she’s going through? How can I make her happy during sad times?

-struggles of a very sleep linds

Rest in Peace Sean, you will most definitely be missed.

 

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